The end of the world comes from ab( d)ove!

28 mai 2009
The end of the world comes from ab( d)ove!
 
        I know it’s not the best  of substitutable titles but it still goes, right? Just replace the B with " D" (there’s a space there also).  Anyways… In case you didn’t know a dove isn’t just the expensive soap you’re always hearing about on TV. It’s a pidgeon. And by death from above I’m not referring to the avian flu ( or "aviara gripa" as Grandmaster B the OC wrongfully named the swine influenza going around ) and no, pigeons aren’t carrying swine influenza, avian flu or higher interest rates on the loan you got from the bank. Ok?     
 
      Now since we got the overall panic out of the way we can get to the actual subject. Not long ago I discovered , thanks to a friend of mine from the great pouted city of Bucharest, a little webcomic called "Fredo and Pid’jin" . In this comic two pigeons of questionable morals try to destroy the world in their on way while also having numerous attempts at getting laid with the various foul females that appear or the squirrel. The two main characters ( take your best guess at what their names are ) compete at the above named task (getting "some" , not world destruction . That’s secondary to their primary goal like it is to most humans.) with substantially different results. Meaning Fredo always gets some, sometimes even at the expense of his partner, Pid’jin never. Recently they just celebrated 4 years of their comic and they’re offering a T-shirt for the best review. For FREE! (I might have to pay for transportation.) Since we’re economically challenged at this time I’ll do my best to deprive other needing people from said T-shirt.
 
    Which brings us to one of my fav episodes, a  classic amidst Fredo and Pid’jin’s adventures ( I think it’s like 3 years old.) " I R Maiden" . In this episode Fredo and Pid’jin, dressed up as monks , praying to their gods or something, call the squirrel over to help them for a ritual. Pid’jin soon learns that the ritual is to "sacrifice a virgin", something the squirrel was not. It all ends with Fredo holding up a bloody knife and Pid’jin ,out of the frame, saying that "This hurts almost as much as not getting laid". I’ll let you judge if this is a fine taste of humor or not with the link to that episode and a few more favorites of mine:
 
http://www.pidjin.net/2006/09/17/i-r-maiden/
http://www.pidjin.net/2008/04/14/pony-apple/
http://www.pidjin.net/2007/09/16/head-to-head/

Sardines

13 noiembrie 2008
Aproape ca uitasem de blogul asta. Cu toate astea am gasit ceva ce dovedeste ca nu numai romanii o duc rau… :) )


In Honor of Stupid People

28 august 2008
EditIn
case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods :

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap — "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it’s "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — "Do not turn upside down."
(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On marks & spencer Bread Pudding — "Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowena iron — "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn’t this save me more time)?

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights — "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to…what)?

On a Japanese food processor — "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity. 


In Honor of Stupid People

28 august 2008
EditIn
case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods :

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap — "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it’s "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — "Do not turn upside down."
(well…duh, a bit late, huh)!

On marks & spencer Bread Pudding — "Product will be hot after heating."
(…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowena iron — "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn’t this save me more time)?

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights — "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to…what)?

On a Japanese food processor — "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity. 


The temperature in Hell

28 august 2008
The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so
"profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the
sharing obviously hasn’t ceased…

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat ) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most
of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student , however, wrote the following:

"First, we
need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if
you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in
Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if
Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman
year, "…that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.",
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I
am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

 


The temperature in Hell

28 august 2008
The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so
"profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the
sharing obviously hasn’t ceased…

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat ) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most
of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, (gas
cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some
variant. One student , however, wrote the following:

"First, we
need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to
know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are
leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions
that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if
you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since
there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the
rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two
possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the
rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in
Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if
Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman
year, "…that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.",
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I
am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

 


Shit Happens

28 august 2008
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go
out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is
ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the
pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about
an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it
being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at
the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I’m
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy
goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents
are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back , "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." 


Shit Happens

28 august 2008
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night
and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go
out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is
ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the
pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about
an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and
sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it
being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at
the girl’s parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I’m
so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy
goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents
are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back , "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist." 


Americans are NOT stupid. NOT!!

18 august 2008
Deci eu chiar n-am nimic cu ei. Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar astia conduc lumea ?! Seriously !!!

 
 
Dar nici britanicii nu sunt departe. Dar mai au pana acolo…
 

The Rules

17 august 2008
Am gasit asta pe un site pe care mi l-a trimis o narcisista foarte amuzanta. Nu va dau site-ul ,va las sa-mi citit blogul ca o sa mai postez de pe el :) ) . Once again thanx for the site Woody.
 
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
from the male side. These are our rules! Please note … these are
all numbered ’1′ ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put
it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect
us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an
answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster
trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like
camping.


Weblog

Toate drepturile rezervate Weblog.ro